Thursday, February 4, 2010

I hate college kids

They drive me crazy. There are 3 main breeds:

The Career Student--
These are the ones who take one or two classes per semester, often working in no particular direction, and who will likely never earn an actual degree. They do this firstly so they can utilize the school as a social realm, mingling with others of their kind, having never moved past the high school state of mind, and secondly so they can avoid any actual responsibility in the world. "I can't get a full time job, I'm in school!" is a common thing to hear from them. They are also more often than not loud, obnoxious, and greasy/foul smelling.

The College Conformist--
These are the ones who live in a strange paradoxical world where nothing is more important than individuality, and individuality means being and thinking exactly the same as the rest of the herd. It is from this group that you find the blind "activist" preaching peace with Mao's Little Red Book in one hand and the Communist Manifesto in the other and wearing a Che t-shirt and never even blinking at the irony. You're likely to hear them say something like "the right are a bunch of fascists because they shut down free speech; we need to shut down Fox News and talk radio." This is also the group that includes the indie rocker, for whom quality of music comes secondary to the attitude with which it was written. You will overhear this explanation from one of them: "My favorite band is The Pants That Go On Pink. I'm sure you've never heard of them, they're totally underground. I know about them cuz I'm in college. They recorded their album gathered around a hand held tape recorder, it was such an amazing artistic idea. They never actually learned how to play their instruments either, that's what makes them such brilliant musicians." Finally this is the group containing the nebulous drifter. This is the one who just goes where the wind takes them. Their favorite music is whatever happens to be on the top 20, they wear whatever the TV tells them to, and speak with all the currently hip colloquialisms. They will say "did you see what that celebrity said on the reality show last night? I wouldn't have a life if I couldn't watch other people pretend they were living their normal life in front of cameras. I need to go potty, can someone please hold my hand?"

The University Type--
These ones are the extremely arrogant type who do things like write in the school newspaper but can't spell, punctuate, or construct a proper sentence, let alone string two together coherently. Yet they are far smarter than the rest of humanity. They comment too frequently in class, but don't have enough genuine wit or wisdom to spit at. This is the group I'm particularly upset with today. Let me tell you why. My chemistry teacher is perhaps lacking in social skills and charisma, but he knows chemistry very well, and clearly loves it. He is very meticulous in writing down everything we need to know. Yep, it can get pretty boring, but it's better than him moving so quickly through the subject matter that no one can possibly keep up. Occasionally he'll write something down incorrectly, and send all the "smart" kids into a frenzy. Today the problem was that his periodic table gave the atomic mass for flourine as 18.99 and ours was an even 19.00. It was pretty easy to see, since each piece of the equation was .01 grams off. Yet they all went nuts. In his most condescending voice one asked "how could the two flourine molecules have an atomic mass of 37.9 g when flourine is exactly 19 g? 19x2 is 38." He went on to do it every time it happened through the entire class. I wanted to shake him and yell "He's not an idiot, he's just looking at a table that didn't round the way ours did! Think for yourself man, or are you only the self proclaimed smartest person in the universe when the answers are being written down on the white board? Good job, you know 2nd grade math, here's a sticker! Did it ever occur to you that the guy with the Master's degree and a decade of experience also knows how to add?"

They're idiots, the lot of them.

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